“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
We have all sung King of My Heart during worship together. The powerful bridge “You’re never gonna let, never gonna let me down” was always one of my favorite parts to sing corporately. That is, until April 2, 2021.
It was Good Friday when we got the text that something was wrong with the sweet baby girl who would be my goddaughter. I rushed to the hospital and we prayed, pleading for a miracle. Yet the answer we wanted did not come. She was stillborn Easter morning, never to take a breath.
This experience shook me. And, to be quite honest, it is still shaking me.
The words in the worship song that I previously proclaimed with ease suddenly rang hollow in my heart. Certain familiar aspects of my faith seemed foreign. It was like when you flip a tapestry over and see the underside of the threads weaving in and out. It looks like a distorted version of what is on the front side. Recognizable yet not quite right.
My faith suddenly seemed shallow. How do I rebuild after being shaken so hard?
I wish I could offer resolve, but the truth is, there is no one-size-fits-all path to reconstruct faith. My counselor gently reminded me to resist resolving things in my own mind, but instead to trust God by bringing Him every thought and emotions and let Him guide my path. Reconstructing faith is a journey. Here are some things I am learning right now:
- People will show us more about God’s love than any book can. Talking with trusted friends who are believers and to a counselor helps process thoughts and emotions. The depths of faith do not need to be waded through alone. We go in trusting that God be with us even when we cannot see the direction in which we are headed.
- Satan will tell us lies and try to cause us to stumble. The Enemy will twist our thoughts and whisper lies to tell us false things about God. When we try to make sense of things solely based on our experience, we will inevitably put our human-made version of God in the center. In the book Gentle and Lowly, the author says, “The God revealed in the Scriptures deconstructs our intuitive predilections and startles us with one whose infinitude of perfection is matched by his infinitude of gentleness. Indeed, his perfections include his perfect gentleness. It is who he is. It is his very heart.” In contrast to Satan’s lies, we can trust that God's gentle heart longs for us to come to Him so that we may find rest.
- Prayer is an active movement to bring us deeper in relationship with God. He receives us with open arms even when we bring the pieces of our faith to Him. There is no need to figure things out that we need to offer, only to be honest and open to let God speak for Himself. He is the One who is trustworthy to guide our paths.
- Read Proverbs 3:5-6 and ask God what that looks like for you. What comes to mind?
- Do you believe that God is trustworthy to handle anything you bring Him? Why or why not?
- Bring all these reflections to God in prayer. Be specific. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal Himself to you here.